A new post for a new year (:

It's been a long and tough year, so I guess 2008 hadn't been great but there were good moments no doubt. Say, my Taiwan trip with the army was great and so was my trip to Hong Kong with my family and Clara. Bad moments? I don't think they need mentioning or repeating. Well I guess what I've learnt is a whole long list.

Patience, something I really find is a virtue in life. The times when I gave in to the pressure and the stress instead of being patient, those were the moments I should have chosen to be different from the world and be better. I guess the least I could do is to find something positive gained from the army, though looking back it's been a journey I'll never want to go through again. What I've gathered is that sometimes I give in to the world and I bring myself down to their level, something I dread doing but nonetheless I keep falling to. It's hard to keep up with the God given righteousness, and I guess it really doesn't matter what other people think about you. That it isn't important that you fit in all the time and in doing so you compromise some of your beliefs. I find myself being selfish, I give up easily, I do things half way all the time, I get frustrated easily, despite doing things half way, whats on my mind is always something else I want to do, I keep looking back. I think I can go on but oh well.

Whatever it is, I'm giving it all to God. So it isn't base on my own efforts that things are complete and whole, and that includes myself. Yeah (: I think that's it.

And now, some of the great moments of 2008, well, for me at least (:

written at 1:51:00 AM

"Letters to you"

Hey sweetheart,

This would be the last of the 26 letters I've written to you before I leave for Taiwan. I hope you enjoyed each and every letter that I've sent you and that it didn't fail to make you feel loved as well as to bridge the distance between you and me, physically and emotionally.

We've been together for a year and seven months now, and life with you never fails to make me smile. As I'm writing you this letter, it's a storm outside and Hershey darling is right beside me. I can't bear to see this lovable dog of mine go, but I guess it's for the best. It's good to hear that the new owner will walk her daily and it's great that she wants to bring Hershey darling to the beach which she lives near by every weekend! I'm sure she'll be happy right? Let's make a point to visit her regularly so that she doesn't forget us, especially me! Alright?




This is the very last picture taken of her at my place. Sigh, she looks so beautiful doesn't she? I'll always remember her, and the sweetest moment with her being that of a little Jack Russell puppy on my lap as I study for my exams just 2 years back.

I guess you must be all packed up for the Taiwan trip with your friends tomorrow? Pity that I can't go with you even though it's my bloc leave when I return. But I guess that means more time for me to do something special for you right? (: I saw this online and it reminded me of your friendster under the column, "Who I want to meet." It reads, "Wedding planners to plan my life in the most glamorous of ways." And I feel this picture says it all, the love, the passion encompassed in such a glamorous and stunning shot. Beautiful isn't it? And I'd like for us to have that same passion for each other and for God, and to be driven with the need to want to make life for each other so much more interesting. I'd like to go through life with you witnessing all the beautiful aspects of the world. Maybe heading to Africa or exploring the underwater world, experiencing things that we don't often get to in this little red dot.



Since I'm trying to learn as much as I can on guitar right now, despite not making any huge improvement thus far, I really hope that one day we'll be able to compose our own songs and play our own tunes. Of course, you'll be the one leading since you have the most experience in music composition as a music teacher. But the idea would be lovely wouldn't it (: To be one day able to play your own tunes and being proud of it, that'll be something great to look forward to. From the letters you can most probably see how much I love music now, and I really want to be able to play and create something of my own. Although I didn't start at a young age but I hope it isn't too late and that I'll be able to learn despite NS or school in the future. Will you help me? (: I miss listening you play on the piano, and I'd like very much for you, as a music teacher, to inspire me once again on the love for music.



Before I end this letter, I just want to tell you that for each and every letter, even though it wasn't easy making it interesting, interactive and sweet at the same time for all the different letters, I didn't regret writing any of them nor do I feel as if I've wasted so much time on it because I honestly feel that it was all worth it and if it did manage to make you smile at times or made you ponder and think about the things that I said then I feel I have met my aim. It's only through talking that we manage to understand and fall in love with each other, and I guess sometimes I just feel I convey my thoughts and feelings best when I write them down. And for us there's always music that help us along, hence the different song for different letters (apologies for certain letters where songs were not included haha). Well before I end this chain of letters, I just need you to know that I love you always and that there's never a day that I stopped loving you. The flame in my heart is burning for you still (:

written at 1:29:00 PM

Fleeting moments in our lives are in abundance, but it's only when you truly experience and recognised it that you appreciate and cherish them. A reflection in a passing bus, a turn of a head coupled with a smile, being spun upside down in a theme park ride or simply lying down beside somebody you truly love and have each song speak to you through your Mp3 player when on shuffle mode. We all have stories we could tell, what's your's?

My most recent story was written by the hands of an angel. Stories of love, hope and faith. Stories of darkness, hurt and pain. Both sides of the story, nothing less nothing more, all written down and etched in my heart. I love to talk about life, how overwhelmingly intriguing it can be. For some, life may be about chasing dreams, or finding that purpose of their very existence or maybe even looking up and deciphering that higher being who reigns in our lives. My life? My life is about love, or so I think. Seemingly alone, I tend to feel, hmm I don't know, perhaps a little like what my site is named, a little sarcastically suicidal. Though of course not in the sadistic sense. Just tend to seek humour in the morbid aspects of life. Maybe it's too much Sylvia Plath or the utterly depressing Prozac Nation, but hey at least I'm out of that now, and I have love to keep, however sophisticated and labouriously taxing it can be.

I guess this picture portrays who I really am, emo and loving the idea of being in love. Well, maybe by learning to love a special someone with the all of me, I learn to love others who need it much more than we do. Thailand's changed me since the volunteered work, though I could have learnt more if I went places that require our help desperately. For instance, Banda Aceh (now a changed and renewed place). But nonetheless, I learnt about compassion and maybe that's what I'm here for, maybe I'm a man fueled with compassion and love. I don't know, as far as I'm concern I'm just ranting off and hoping to suddenly go, Eureka! But I digress, though I find it hard to solve this whole Gordian knot of my life. Oh well I shall end this. Tell me your story instead, and leave a link.








Fresh in my hands, a flower for the angel in disguise who entered my life (: Thank you for everything you've given me and how you saved me from my story; which was heading towards the theme of darkness(ugh, sounds kinda like star trek). It's just 6 more days (:

Not where I breathe, but where I love, I live.

written at 2:46:00 AM



The Journey of You and Me

The title of this picture is called "The Journey of You and Me" and i really like it a lot. As such, i decided to use this fitting image in the post to tell you how much I've enjoyed every ride and bumps along the road on this amazing journey with you. YOU are amazing, simply because without doing a thing, you make me want to be a better man not only for myself but especially for YOU. The past 8 long months seemed like an eternity to me(in a good way, of course), and already I feel as if we've been together for 8 years. In fact, I realised that I've never spent so much time understanding, learning and loving anyone as much as I do for you. Sure, there were times we fought and we walked away, but we always held onto one another after each argument. Along the way, we had our disagreements, and our unhappiness, however, at the end of each path i find myself loving you more, much more than before. I learnt the true meaning of cherish, patience, courage and strength. At every junction, every cross-roads, we held on and stared at the endless path of life and learning the many lessons that God has taught us along the way, we took each step with caution and with love. With the stars to guide us, and the whispers of the wind, together we took a leap of faith, and another leap for love, living on our beliefs and hope alone, waiting for life.




"Lights will guide you Home"
-Lyrics from "Fix You" Coldplay

As you know, we have a strong affinity with stars. Orion's belt and the four angels, it's of no surprise, and I don't think it's just pure coincidence, that I was put into Orion Company. It made me smile in fact, to know that I belong to a company with a name that is so significant to you and me. Someday i wished i could embrace you and know that every day, i love you. Knowing that we have nothing to fear and any doubts be cast away. In the middle of the streets with lights in the shape of a heart, a couple in love look into each other's eyes and know that they were meant to be. And the iris of the guy's eyes lit up and he saw a wonder appear in front of him, astonished and amazed, he saw his angel shine, wearing a halo, and smiling her unforgettable smile. I dream a dream, and my dream was you.



I'll always remember you telling me that life is like a carousel, sometimes we go up and other times we go down, but like everyone else, they go round and round. The cycles of life, where money and assets become our main priority. Insidiously, we fall into such a life, where we worry about work, and money, and home. Somehow, it's inevitable i know, but once in a while i'd like to escape from the reality of life, hold your hands and jump off at the lowest point of the carousel. There are many other rides we can take, for instance, the roller-coaster, the ferris wheel or even the one we took "Top Gun" (if i'm not wrong). Funny thing is, all these rides always revolves round and round. So, no, I won't jump off a cycle only to get us into another. I'll take you somewhere far, a place where our only path is straight ahead. So right now, as YOU are reading this, I extend my hands to you and I smile, saying, "Come with me darlin, I found a new ride. A ride where there's only straight ahead. Floating on a platform with water beneath, a dark and eriee tunnel(but lights will guide us home remember?), sometimes there are waves and sometimes a stunning surprise. No, it isn't the "Haunted House Tunnel", it's a new ride I found, and it's called "The Journey of You and Me"." And so I wait, my hands extended, still smiling, constantly waiting, for your hands in mine.




I had closed the door upon my heart
And wouldn't let anyone in,
I had trusted and loved only to be hurt
But, that would never happen again

I had locked the door and tossed the key
As hard, and as far as I could,
Love would never enter there again,
My heart was closed for good

Then you came into my life
And made me change my mind,
Just when I thought that tiny key
was impossible to find

That's when you held out your hand
And proved to me I was wrong,
Inside your palm was the key to my heart ...
You had it all along

I love you every day.

written at 10:59:00 AM